The last whimper

By Kamran Shafi

SO then, the Pakistan Day Parade was held after all, within the confines of the Sports Complex, Islamabad the Beautiful.

Never mind that athletics and sports camps set up there for several upcoming international games including the Olympics had to be closed down, never mind that the Tennis Academy admirably run by Mushaf and where my Zainab and tens of other children go was displaced.

The last whimper of a dying dictatorship simply had to be sounded, and what a last whimper it was! There were, as predicted, something like two thousand spectators, mostly officers, JCOs and their families trucked in from Rawalpindi and of course the caretaker ‘prime minister’, he reminding us all of the iniquity of appointing the sitting chairman of the Senate and a member of the (now deceased) King’s Party to this post.

The funniest was the sight of the hugely truncated mechanised columns, hiding behind the curve of the main stadium waiting for their turn to roll past the dais. Parades are noisy, colourful, hugely (and widely) attended affairs held in the open; not, as I wrote in this same space last week, held cowering in fear, behind fences and barbed wire.

The Commando too was a much-subdued commando: just going through the paces of what his advisers must have told him was a most essential part of telling all and sundry who is boss. Gone was the swagger and the jaunty flick of the shoulders; gone was the petulant, stern glare.For the days of swagger are long gone, indeed. With everyone and Charlie’s aunt including please note, Mushahid ‘Mandela’ Hussain, ready to axe 58-2(b), what else? And this is only the beginning of the end. What if the government only extends the Commando the security and protocol laid down in the Blue Book, no more no less?

There is news too that, as suspected by everyone AND Charlie’s aunt, the barricades (much shame on you, sirs, the lot of you — even those who acquiesced to the illegal, shameful orders) around the judges’ colony will be lifted. What then, especially after My Lord Iftikhar Chaudhry starts to tour the Bars around the country, and the expected fallout of those visits?

There is still time. Yes there is. But is there no one who has made use of Musharraf’s stay in absolute power to his/her own benefit who will now talk some little sense to him? Is there no one to tell him that there is still time to say sorry for his government’s heavy-handed and completely shameless and highly stupid actions against the superior judiciary?

And to reinstate it with honour, the Commando saying he did not want the confrontation to go on any longer; that he wanted Pakistan to embark upon its democratic journey unfettered with his baggage, and that he would always wish the country and its people well.

So saying he could resign his so-called ‘office’ and drive his Humvee to Chak Shehzad and his upcoming villa. We are a highly emotional lot; I can bet people will come out onto the streets in joy and wish him well (and good riddance!). Even now.

However, the Commando is a great big commando and the epitome of machismo. I do not think he will listen, but can his friends at least give it a try?

And now to the future. First, a big welcome to the newly elected members of the National Assembly; and to Madam Speaker for being elected by a thumping majority of votes which should have sent several shivers down the spines of those that inhabit the house next door.

It was great to see this woman politician who has been in successful electoral politics for many years take the Speaker’s chair in the National Assembly. It was as if a breath of fresh air had blown through that glittering chamber. More strength to her.

It was good to see too that the one or two times that she spoke, she spoke strongly and with conviction, and in no uncertain terms. It seems that Madam Speaker will not mince her words; will not shilly-shally and utter inanities such as those we are used to hearing. And will always do the right thing.

Because of which I address her first in this my first piece after her election.

Madam, first off please require members of the National Assembly to not carry plates announcing ‘MNA’ on their cars and SUVs. These plates not only look cheap, they add nothing to the fact that the owner of the vehicle has been elected by the people, a very great honour in itself.

Announce that, leave alone slapping policemen, you will immediately suspend any member who is reported for having been rude to the police, any committee’s investigations notwithstanding.

Require that all members use the normal check-in and arrival procedures, and departure and arrival lounges, whenever they are travelling. And ask PIA to remove the check-in counters that are solely for the use of parliamentarians and say so too. (I have seen one at Karachi airport.)

For the coming prime minister and chief ministers I have the following to say:

If you MUST have flags on your cars — not flying flags takes nothing away from the British prime minister and those of European countries, or indeed from members of the US cabinet — please ban their use on motor cars for all but the president, prime minister, the governors and the chief ministers.

Voluntarily give up the executive jets that are in the use of all the provincial chief ministers and governors and take commercial flights instead. It may be essential to use helicopters to get to remote areas now and again, so the money that will come from selling the jets could well be used by the Cabinet Division in beefing up their helicopter fleet.

It was great reading just yesterday that Shahbaz Sharif has announced that the Chief Minister’s House, extended hugely and tarted up in bad taste by Pervaiz Elahi at great public expense, will be given over to an IT university.

This is excellent, but may one request Mr Sharif to please also order the opening of Club Road where it meets Golf Road, and which was closed off and included in the grounds of the CM’s House, before the House is handed over? Where in the world would anyone close off existing roads by fiat but in the Land of the Pure?

While one is on the subject, there is another property in Rawalpindi known as the DCO’s House abutting Fatima Jinnah Women’s University which too could be handed over to the university with the DCO finding alternative accommodation elsewhere. It will give the university another hostel.

We will have a new prime minister today. Here’s wishing him well. I pray that the Almighty keep him on the right path and to guide him to always do the right thing.

Bushism of the Week: “And so, General, I want to thank you for your service. And I appreciate the fact that you really snatched defeat out of the jaws of those who are trying to defeat us in Iraq” — President George W. Bush, meeting with Army Gen Ray Odierno; Washington, DC, March 3, 2008.

kshafi1@yahoo.co.uk