Thailand reprise

By Kamran Shafi

FIRST the positives. We go on comparing the strides the Thais have made with us stuck in a time warp, without looking at the fact that Thailand has long hence crossed the first hurdle that developing countries confront: that of the psychological barrier that separates an organised people who belong to the developed world from the disorganised people who inhabit the developing world.

Quick example: a Thai electrician or mechanic will wear a tool-belt around his waist with the screwdriver, the pliers, the wire-cutter, the what-have-you, securely fastened in their own housings on the belt — easily reached by the user who then hooks them right back.

Recall the last time that a Wapda lineman came to your house to repair a fault. Whilst Wapda issues each of its linemen with tool-belts none of them wear it. Neither will he deign to wear the safety harness/belt which is also issued to him, and will climb up the pole using the ladder he has just borrowed from you.

Once he is up, hanging on for dear life with one arm and trying to work with his free hand, there is a constant stream of requests: “Please pass me the screwdriver” (which has just fallen from his shirt pocket); “Please pass me the pliers” (which have just fallen from the side-pocket of his shirt).

Second example: Pass by a Thai used spare-parts establishment and you will see neatly stacked shells of cars, trucks, motorcycles; the spare parts will be displayed on shelves by model and year and so on. Just go to Lahore’s famous Bilal Gunj and you will see what I mean.

It is another matter of course that my friend Minoo Marker, who in the year 1974 went crashing through the closed Sariab Road railway crossing in friend Anwar Ali Khan (RIP)’s 1926 Studebaker (driven out without Anwar’s permission who was out of Quetta at the time, of course), Minoo’s attentions being lavished on his fellow lady-passenger rather than on the closed crossing, actually found the exact same headlight which was smashed as a result in Bilal Gunj.

It must also be said in defence of Minoo that, one, he was driving home after an evening at the great Munir Afridi’s (later senator, now sadly deceased too); and two, that the accelerator of that car was in the middle, between the brake and the clutch, rather than on the right in latter-day models. So Minoo pressed the accelerator rather than the brake! None of this is to say, indeed, that there wasn’t a rather pretty girl in the car with him at the time!

Back to Thailand. Prapa tells me there is an economic crisis on the way, things are getting expensive and so on. But you can still buy a very decent Thai meal for four, complete with a sherbet or two(!) for something like 400 baht! Which is 13 US $s! Not street food, but in the Food Hall of Siam Paragon, one of the finest shopping malls in the world with probably the most varied Gourmet Food Market and best bookshop within 5,000 miles of Bangkok.

I spoke about the Novotel Siam Square last week. Well, Siam Paragon is a mere two-minute walk from the hotel, which at US$110 is a steal. Why, the lobby manager, a charming Iranian-British girl actually saw Zainab and I off as we were leaving! I can recommend the Novotel to all comers, any time.

But back to the Thai embassy in Islamabad the Beautiful, the one high hurdle you must cross before you can set foot in what I call the Gentle Kingdom. What criteria does it apply when it issues visas, say, to the hundreds of pheri-wallahs that one sees aboard every flight to Bangkok and back and most of whom cannot read nor write so you have to fill their arrival cards for them? Pheri-wallahs are young men who go to Thailand and come back laden with cheap toys and trinkets which they then sell to retailers across the country. Indeed, Islamabad the Beautiful has several such outlets.

These young men are usually uncouth yahoos who make a nuisance of themselves from the time they board the flight to the time they get off. They start by making a noise about the weight of their baggage, to demanding they be allowed to take more than is permitted on board the aircraft. Invariably their cabin baggage is made up of radio-controlled cars, the latest craze in the Fatherland. Note please, that all of their merchandise is contained in white garbage bags, I kid you not.

The soothing manner of the Thai crew and several glasses of sherbet (but only several) help calm them down until the aircraft doors open in Islamabad the Beautiful and they revert to their loutish ways: making remarks about the physical attributes of the foreign women on the flight — they would never about Pakistani women for fear of being thrashed soundly(!) — and then guffawing loudly and generally being a bloody pain, pushing and shoving their way out of the aircraft.

So then, while it asked for a letter from my editor for little rhyme and less reason before it issued my visa, what criteria does the Thai embassy apply in the louts’ case who seem to get theirs in very short order indeed: one of them told me it took him just one day. My daughter and I got our passports back on the day of our flight, putting us to very great distress.

Importantly, when I tried to telephone the embassy someone picked up and disconnected the line eight times, finally answering my call on the ninth try. THIS is how Pakistanis are treated by the Embassy of Thailand in Pakistan. Will someone do something about it, please? Our Foreign Office? The Thai foreign ministry? Someone? Anyone?

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, things are what they would be when Naek, Khosa, Awan & Company are the new supreme leaders of the PPP: the dismissed-by-a-COAS judges languish where they do; the ‘extra-legally’ elected Commando with the highest SQ in the world is sharpening his Commando knife for another assault on democracy; and the Kings Party that was thrashed merely six months ago is preparing for another stint in untrammelled power, Mushahid ‘Mandela’ Hussain leading.

Good; go for it, lads. The PPP deserves you; you deserve the PPP.

As for Nawaz Sharif, there is only one piece of advice one can give him. Leave the coalition before it is too late and let the PPP make an unholy alliance with the PML-Q (“Qatil League” according to Asif Zardari, two days after Benazir’s horrific death) and the MQM and Musharraf. Then just sit back and watch the fireworks! Most of the country’s people will be laughing with you.

kshafi1@yahoo.co.uk