OTT Excellencies, very OTT

OTT Excellencies, very OTT

By Kamran Shafi

YOUR Excellencies the American and Saudi Ambassadors and Your Excellency the High Commissioner for the United Kingdom, you did go rather over the top didn’t you now?

I refer to the American and the Brit running hither and yon asking Pakistan’s political leaders to take part in the elections, pretty please; and to the Saudi for so obviously coming to the aid of the junta that rules us by trying to cajole, nay entice My Lord Iftikhar Chaudhry to accept the Saudi Royal Family’s invite to his second Haj in as many years.

We shall go there later, however, a matter of great import and critical significance is exercising my mind at this time. And that is the decision of the major political parties to participate in what Gen (Retired) Musharraf has often referred to as the Mother of All Elections. What I, and all of my friends, refer to as the Grandma of All Rigging.

I was much incensed when I heard the news on the 9th evening that Nawaz Sharif who showed so much promise after the years spent in exile did not remain adamant at boycotting the election. I tossed and turned all night thinking about how wrong I had been about him.

But the very next morning it became clear to me that the PPP’s going into the election with the King’s Party and Maulana Fazlur Rehman’s JUI left Sharif very little choice and had made it very difficult for him to keep his party out. Specially when he had to try to expose the Chaudhries for what they are: Musharraf’s handmaidens.

Whilst Sharif should have boycotted regardless for it is imperative that the dictator is isolated, his was a political decision taken in light of the situation on the ground, as presented to him after the PPP’s acquiescence to the US administration/Musharraf plan. It is the PPP that should come in for more stick. For it just follows American dictates and simply does not appreciate the mountain of iniquity it is up against.

Whilst Gen (Retired) Musharraf is now saying he will not influence the election, the fact of the matter is that the election is already influenced; it has already been rigged, for he has spoken strongly in the past about his preference for the PML-Q candidates. Which should not have been lost on the already compromised Election Commission.

Take another example, that of members of the former cabinets using the machinery of the state: the former chief minister of Punjab travelling with escorts and route-lining as if he were still the CM; Sheikh Rashid ‘Tulli’ who I myself saw just the other day with three police escort cars and jeeps accompanying his official SUV. These are vote-winners, these shows of power, because they tell the voter this particular candidate is the darling of the powers that be and will therefore find his way to office once more.

While this is palpably unfair to the other candidates, the junta has found a novel way of explaining it away: by saying that it is quite alright for these people to have their escorts etcetera because the government of Punjab and the federal government have issued notifications that the two individuals face threats etcetera! One should like to ask what will happen to them should they lose their seats or, indeed, if Pervez Musharraf decides to hang up his designer suit sometime soon.

‘Designer suit’ reminds me, just because he mentioned nauseatingly repeatedly how handsome Musharraf would look in one: where in the world is Mushahid ‘Mandela’ Hussain? One hasn’t seen hide nor hair of him ever since he (sort of) came out against the emergency. No good is it, to merely mouth some words and then not follow them up with, say, one’s resignation from the party that has supported the daylight massacre of the country’s independent-at-last judiciary? Pity.

Going back to the elections, those participating in this sham will rue the day they decided to take part, mark my words. The junta is going to rig them from under their feet, just watch. Given Gen (Retired) Musharraf’s paranoia, do they think they will get even a half-level playing field? Not a chance. Welcome ‘Prime Minister’ Chaudhry Pervez Elahi! Goodbye whatever respect we had left.

And now for Your Excellencies. Bad show Madam and Sirs, very bad show indeed, to so openly and brazenly interfere in this country’s affairs. This micro-management is not going to get anyone very far, not you, not the retired general, not the hapless country.

And mark, when the elections are rigged, the blame will fall primarily on you and after you on Gen (Retired) Musharraf. Which will give your governments a worse name than they have already acquired. Needless, Excellencies, needless.

And another thing, High Commissioner: if you did not have anything helpful to say about our most honourable judiciary which has been dismissed by an army dictator, you should not have said anything at all. It is up to us Pakistanis whether we want to ‘move forward’ or go back. Might I suggest the following words the next time you are asked to comment on something that you should not comment on: ‘No comment’.

And yes, our Saudi friend should never have done what he did either, the perception despite denials by our own FO and the Saudi Embassy being that it was a brash effort to remove His Lordship from Pakistan to make life a little easier for the retired general. I should have thought the Saudis should have learnt a lesson after the very sordid Nawaz Sharif affair.

In the end, I am in receipt of a rude, almost abusive email from someone called, I kid you not, ‘Yasmeen Ali, Educationist and Lawyer’, who lives in Lahore. Enquiries tell me she has recently written to some other of my friends who write in the papers too. We and our wives hereby invite Yasmeen Ali, Educationist and Lawyer, to lunch at the Gymkhana Club soon after Eid. Dates later. I trust she will accept and mayhap turn us to her point of view by persuasive argument. (Of course if she comes to Islamabad to appear in the Supreme Court we will gladly host her in the Islamabad Club — she only has to inform us).

Mushism of the Week: “Now that we have done everything and we have even gone for elections, they are talking of rigging and everything. This is a clear indication of their preparation for defeat. Now when they lose, they will have a good rationale that it is all rigged, it is all fraud.” — Gen (Retired) Pervez Musharraf (Dec 10, 2007). (Kindly note the words “WHEN they lose”!)

P.S. Well done, Imran, for doing what you said you would do: Boycott!

kamranshafi1@yahoo.co.uk